Papa's cancer is back. With a vengeance, it seems. In at least four places including his skin. This last week I've watched it grow, looks like a crab (hence = cancer) the tumors under his arms are growing as well. His energy is low to none. He hasn't eaten in weeks and it looks like he may never eat again. Thankfully he has the J-tube for nutrition. Sometime this week we will be looking into hospice. I'm freaking out. I hide that from him. He says I have a tendency to "panic". I'm not panicking, I've known over two years that this was coming.
So... I balance his care and school.... no time for much else. Finals week is the first week of June, I won't be taking a class this summer, I'll wait until Fall.
Pray for Papa, pray for me. Out of tragedy is blessing. I count a million blessings that he and I have gotten to know each other, that my Dad loves me. The past is irrelevant, life is now and I'm living in the moment, and grateful for each that comes and goes.
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Wednesday, April 08, 2009
Numinous and Out There
Numinous and Out There
When I was ‘out there’
Out where my spirits did roam
I was light as the air
I was closer to home
Out on the page
Where I’ve spilled out the most
You’ll see all the rage
That was born to a ghost
Simplistic, sublime,
Cognizant the ether
In absence of time
I tried hard to reach her
Numinous I'm transcending
With the sun, the moon… you
Shallow water blending
Clarity into blue
Melinda Marinko
© 9 April 2009
When I was ‘out there’
Out where my spirits did roam
I was light as the air
I was closer to home
Out on the page
Where I’ve spilled out the most
You’ll see all the rage
That was born to a ghost
Simplistic, sublime,
Cognizant the ether
In absence of time
I tried hard to reach her
Numinous I'm transcending
With the sun, the moon… you
Shallow water blending
Clarity into blue
Melinda Marinko
© 9 April 2009
Gentle On My Mind
Gentle On My Mind
| Bathed in misty melody Lyrics yet defined Passion like a symphony Gentle on the mind. On the wings of pigs there's knowing honest love is blind Deep inside the truth keeps growing Gentle on our minds. Chasing the sun away from you Nothing left behind Shining like you want me to Gentle on your mind. Immersed in shallow yearning escaping daily grind The Smoke of peace-pipes burning Gentle on my mind. |
Sunday, April 05, 2009
It's the end of a long LOOOOng Winter
What a difference a year makes. I shed 60 of that 70 lbs I put on from 2006 to 2008 this year, I let go of my bitter bitch face. I let go of the disregard I had for the existence of love between lovers. I've lost and found myself again. I've taken on a whole lot of school this Spring. I am not alone, I am fearless and scared, I am hopeful in the moment. I am working on finally growing up.
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