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Would you see a fleeting Rainbow ... or a label?

It matters little to me if people have presumptions about my sexual orientation. (I'm not screwing anyone so whatever) but It does matter to me if people draw these conclusions
because they assume I'd label myself. What I
am trying to say is... if I were to
use a rainbow back ground on this page
would you assume I am telling the world
that I am gay .
No. I am not Gay. Yes I have No opinions about
the sexual orientation of others, who they
choose to be happy or miserable with.
Straight or Gay Judgements are NOT
where this Rant was Born!!
I'd say this because a natural optical phenomenon
dating back to the first ever set of seeing eyes should not be
limited to being an icon or a label. So this post is
for everybody or anybody that uses a rainbow image as a
label to make public their sexual preference... and to
everybody and anybody that assumes that a rainbow is always and only the
aforementioned label.



When I was a little girl I loved to draw colorful pictures. Crayons, colored pencils, water colors - always used up fast. The problem was that I didn't have a "knack" or natural talent for drawing. I did however find that a simple house, yard, A sunny and blue sky with a cloud or two was easy and the only ridicule that my older sibling gave me about them would be regarding the color I'd choose for the house. (I settled on brown because I hated feeling stupid all the time).

Eventually I grew bored with this same scene. I started adding rainbows. I probably drew thousands of rainbows. A lot of times rainbows by themselves. As I got older I collected rainbow stickers, wall hangings.... (unicorns with rainbows). My school binders had rainbows on them. Rainbow designs were my favorite and usually picked them over any others. I even had a white shirt with a big ol' rainbow on the front of it that I wore often. ( I have a picture somewhere with me in it... ) Would you believe that nobody thought I was gay? A lot of my friends and classmates loved rainbows, also.

In southern California rainbows were few and far between.
I believe far more people stop to view the rainbows than "stop to smell the roses".
The sight of a rainbow in the sky is a fleeting beautiful occurrence not to be taken for granted.

Now if I wear a rainbow, display anything with a rainbow or decorate anything with a rainbow... it would be labeling myself as gay. A lesbian badge, so to speak.

How arrogant and presumptuous for a group of people who believe that their personal sex lives are who they are to claim something like the rainbow as an icon.
On the other hand, have they considered that they've chosen a label lacking actual substance, or depth?

A rainbow does not actually exist at a location in the sky, but rather is an
optical phenomenon ...

An optical illusion is characterized by visually perceived images that, at least in common sense terms, are deceptive or misleading.

To this I say:

RELINQUISH THE RAINBOW!!!!!!

BOWLING FOR TAMPONS

Why do people believe that there is some sort of obligation to hook up with someone just because there is no one else available? Sorry. I wasn't hungry; I'll pass on the crab and Loin chop. No really, thank you...

A so-called friend of mine tried to tell me that I am to quick to go inward not being open to the opportunities to what "I need" I dont NEED anything. He believes I need him. He is wrong.

I am always very outspoken and clear that:
I'm not interested in laying, staying, or obeying.

He gave me the impression he understood by actually saying :"I understand your aversion Mel"


He forgot to tell me however, what his continuing expectations were as a "friend". He expects "at least deserves" someone to be his emotional tampon and his biggest fan all at the same time.


Sorry I don't like bowling all that much. Nor will I miss not laughing and won't miss being expected to to powder his ass and tell him that its special!!

My disdain and loathing of the bullshit scenario of " significant other" is unlikely to cease anytime soon. I refuse to buy into that shit any more... and I wont fuck to fuck, either.

Daily Grind

Be glad you aren't this guy!
Click Here to See Why

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Thanksgiving at Black Angus

My brother (left), my mother and Step Sister Sheryl on the right. You must agree this is a great picture. I risked my life to get this shot ... (I was standing in the middle of the parking lot entrance) and it was worth it.
I was my Family's personal Paparazzi last night.

Who was the Ad wizard that came up with this one?

We all hate those annoying banner ads and pop ups... (don't we?) Even with the pop up blocker somehow advertisers like casalmedia still pop up.

Well I was just reading a news story on kgw.com when a man walked onto the lower left side of my screen and asked me if I was in the market for a truck. (no I haven't been drinking and I'm not high.)

He was wearing a T-shirt with toyota.com on it. I have to be honest, I was not annoyed.
I was amazed, it a Man standing inside my monitor, almost looked 3d. I was just sitting here with my mouth open. I didn't click on his shirt because I'm not in the Market for a truck, but impressed none-the-less.

Then he just faded away like Bewitched or Genie.

Very clever advertising with state of the art marketing tools, if you ask me.

Love Stories

I watched two movies tonight. The Lake House and The Break Up. Cried... at some point in each one. I hate love stories. Well really the truth is I hate that they always move me so much and I hate that I love them. I think because I would rather live them than watch them because they always -correction- ALMOST always have a happy or perfect ending and well, life doesn't... at least so far.

Going Back to Cali'

It seems like getting ass back to So Cal is taking forever. First a gut wrenching stomach flu then a pneumonia like head and chest cold so severe I've actually quit smoking. (me! not smoking! me - who has smoked so long I couldnt imagine ever not smiking and really honestly can not remember life before cigarettes) I don't have any traveling money yet and was hoping to work a bit to make some before i leave but I have been ill for almost 3 weeks!

Worrying about my son is not helping either. I know he's an adult now. But just because he is 19 years old doesnt mean that he is ready and mature enough.

I feel that I have failed him. I haven't been a pillar of stability or a model of success for him. I failed to ensure that he live within guide lines and learn to take responsibility this year. I was powerless to stop him from throwing everything away incliding his goals and direction.

I would feel so much better if he was going to Cali too. Where - dare I say it? - where his father can be an influence and role model and help him through the transition from childhood and dependence to adulthood and independence.


Aaargghhhh

21 grams

It brings me no pleasure to learn of your loss and pain.
I want to say more but I can't seem to resurrect what has long been soaking in apathy - the safest place to lay to rest thoughts, feelings, hope and compassion (in a world where nobody really "love's". Not beyond the words, anyway)
this is where I found that nothing matters because we are fools to think that anybody - even our own flesh and blood will stand behind us.
Any minute they will turn. It may seem as there is no reason, or that their minds and hearts were poisoned by someone else... but there's always the bottom line factor.
The devotion to getting and having and/or protecting and keeping money or "ends".
The person that has more in pocket seems to have less in their heart.
No matter how much "love and loyalty" exists between family, friends, lovers ... everything
is only worth it's weight in gold, so to speak.
And last time I checked, the human soul only weighs 21 grams.

In honor of the 5 year anniversary of 9/11

Yes I know it's a couple days late but consider I wrote and sketched this 10 years & 11 months before "9/11" actually happened. I had just turned 21.
I never put these two works together until 2001. Although I did them within days - weeks of eachother I never made the connection. There is only one person in the drawing yet, the poem speaks of many.

I titled it: "Who Were They" because at the time I wrote it I had no idea who these people were. Whose story flowed from me onto paper effortlessly and without pause.
I would ask anyone that would take the time to read it what their interpretation was asking , "who were they?"

All those years prior 2001 there was no right or wrong answer. I heard a lot of interesting takes on it ranging from, the lost city of Atlantis to the Vietnam war.
The only thought I had was that I had to include: "who, where, when, why, what and how"

After rereading it many times I concluded that each reference to "they" isn't necessarily about the same "they" in each and every verse while the entire piece is obviously about a collective event that they and "they" all seperately played a part in, so to speak.

Have I lost you yet? Welcome to the mind of Mel!
(I analyze therefore I am)

Since 9/11 I've brought this out to some of my friends and family that had given their opinions all those years ago and they, like me, get a little chill from it.
My brother also pointed out that the man in the drawing kinda resembles Rudy Giuliani.

Who Were They?
© Melinda Lantz-Theissen Marinko 1990

I wonder what it was that started
As their faces filled with fear?
And why it was that they were parted
From those they held so dear?

I wonder why it happened this way
The lives twisted around?
And who it was that would have to pay
The people on the ground?

I wonder how they all turned out
Those souls lost in the crowds.
Or what it was that had filled them with doubt?
The faces in the shrouds.

I wonder where they could be right now?
They’ve hidden from the rain.
Or when they said they've made a vow
To never live in vain?

I wonder who led them all away
On to a safer place?
And where it was they fell to pray?
The ones who fell from grace.

I wonder if they plan to come back
To face what’s left behind?
And why it was that the evil pack
destroyed all it could find?

© Art and verse original works of
Melinda Marinko (formerly Lantz-Theissen)
Created in October 1990

A Van Down by the River!

I used to live in a van down by the river until they posted this sign:

Nobody has an ounce of passion for anything outside of their ego and empty pit of want and and need.
The humble man is instinct.
Love is a four letter word and you....
you are just another Debunked haunting...standing aside all the other ghosts I once thought to be real.

I just find this world so completely dissapointing.
EVERYTHING is backwards.
Nobody is ever what they pretend to be. Nobody has any balls.

Trix are for Kids

A little rabbit is running happily through the forest when he stumbles upon a giraffe rolling a joint.

The rabbit looks at the giraffe and says, "Giraffe my friend, why do you do this? Come. Run with me through the forest! You''ll feel so much better!"
The giraffe looks at him, looks at the joint, tosses it and goes off running with the rabbit.

Then they come across an elephant doing coke. So the rabbit again says, "Elephant my friend, why do you do this? Think about your health. Come. Run with us through the pretty forest, you''ll see, you''ll feel so good!"
The elephant looks at them, looks at his razor, mirror and coke, then tosses them and starts running with the rabbit and giraffe.

The three animals then come across a lion about to shoot up.
"Lion my friend, why do you do this? Think about your health! Come. Run with us through the beautiful forest and you''ll feel so good!"
The lion looks at him, puts down his needle, and mauls the rabbit.

The giraffe and elephant watch in horror and look at him and ask, "Lion, why did you do this? He was merely trying to help you."

The lion answers, "That little bastard! He makes me run around the forest like a f**king idiot every time he's on ecstasy!"

Have a complaint?

Ever have a jelly fish pumped into your scuba diving suit.... into your ass?
This is a question you should ask yourself the next time you are having a bad day at work! (Don’t ask.)

Ever wake up Christmas morning to find that your gifts are 3 dead puppies?
No?
Well now, that fruit cake or those socks don’t seem so bad, do they?

It's all been down hill... for so long. Now I don't even care.
Maybe you thought I'd make it...or just don't know that I'm not even there.

Memories shadowed by yesterday.
Nothing has a hold on me... it's pulling me away.
My heart lives like a piece of ice - numbered days - melting all the time.

Tell me now that I've gone off on my own why I'd miss you?
Nothing on my shoulder I'm weightless but....
Wake me before I get the chance to fly.

I'd give you my chains link by link if life was just a dream....
But I'm only blaming truth for what's become of me.

The same chains that hold me down could set me free.

R.A.P.

Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.

Trying To Get By

Eternally knowing
and not to forget
Infectious and growing
but not to regret

Shamelessly blaming
the ones who don't know
smokeless flaming
and failing to glow

impossibly trying
to make it all great
unstoppably crying
to make it all wait

incurably yearning
trying to get high
reluctantly learning
trying to get by

painfully healing
the wounds of youth
constantly feeling
the wounds of truth

intensely ignoring
the things that you hear
immensely exploring
the things that you fear


Melinda Lantz Marinko
copyright 1990

My son, my heart... My David Julian. I miss you.

Although he wrote this a few years ago... Lately this is my poem to him.

"RAIN"

You creep in the shadows...

Your Demons consume you in hellish fire

You dance for them like a marionette puppet

The ones you love just watch in torment

Your pain tears me apart

And I am helpless against the intense flames

I fall to my knees and pray for a cleansing rain

But my prayers fall on deaf ears

Will I be forever subjected to watch the torment?

Or will that rain finally come?

By, David Julian Theissen

Copyright 2003

Lightening Hits Apartment Complex in Canby OR.

Well we just got hit with lightening. It was the loudest thing I ever heard.
The power went out as it cracked then went back on.
Luckily no one was hurt and no fires started.

Childhood

Classmates is always sending those annoying emails and they have banners all over the place. We all eventually go to the site and sign up, add our schools... why not? It's free.
Then one day your very first real friend from kindergarten through 3rd or 4th grade finds you and everything floods back. You smile and say "wow!"
Then it occurs to you how big of a part they've played in your childhood. Maybe even who you are. Then wonder, what if your family hadn't moved and continued to go to the same schools and graduated together....

That is if you were me.

Poetry... What I have left, anyway

PAINTING THE RAINBOW

Living is green - the color of growing.
You’re part of the scene - you're naturally showing.

Anger is red - the color of blood.
Going out of your head? Now rise above.

Being is clear - no color at all.
And things that you fear - will color your fall.

Craving is purple - the color that's rare.
You jump over hurtles to find yourself there.

Decision is gray - the color between.
You bend and you sway. On one thing you lean.

Loving is gold - worthy of wealth.
Don’t let it be sold or laid on a shelf.

Your sins are all black - the colors combined.
You can’t take them back there is no rewind.

Life is a rainbow you paint everyday.
The 'you' that you show the life you display.


Copyright 2002



ON THE RISE
I feel it on the rise,
Boiling down just beyond.
I hear it with my eyes,
scenic sounds now they're gone.
I keep it with my gifts,
Set it free inside this cage.
I steal it like a kiss,
Damned by glory loved by rage.
I dream it all day long,
Fearless doubt hopeful loss.
Righteous doing wrong,
curve-less shapes desert moss.
I know it with my flesh,
Surface depths empty lust.
Shaded under mesh,
the bird undressed, then turned to dust.

I BREATHE
I walk and I hear
My spirit again.
You talk and I'm near
To where it begins.
I breathe and you feel
I am more than my skin.
We see and it's real
As it comes from within.



I AM OUT HERE.....
For my Daughter Alyssa Rose
I am out here, out here once again,
Yet so much has changed
And it's all from within.

I have been there, where the light has no home
Where I felt swallowed up, lost and alone.

I am out here and you're so far away
My colors are gray and I fall and I pray.

You are out there and your spirit is strong.
Out there, where it seems
You're there all alone.

The angels are where
You need them to be,
To catch all your tears and bring them to me.


SOMETHING LESS
Later than an Early Bird
Fainter than a whispered word.
Easy as a mastered task
Leaking through a crafted mask.
Brighter in the depths of thought
Lighter than the sinking rock.
Dying like a beating heart
Loving just to fall apart.

SEVEN
You and me and turning leaves
Spirits free no longer believe.
the horsemen near
and the sky is falling.
uncover your ears Your life is calling.
Have courage to face
all that you regret
hold tight onto grace...
or is it too late for that?
I'll see you in heaven
with the light all around you
this last sign was seven
let's go where we're bound to.









FAITH LIGHT
Love is the only, the all, the reason we're here.
Hate is a symptom, the actions, the outcome of fear.
Mine is not giving, not having or living, but the spoon.
Blind is the anger, the hater, the one forgetting so soon.
Light comes from within us, to guide us, a force from above.
Faith is our option, assistant, the drive empowering love.
Ours is not lonely, not shallow nor riddled with doubt.
Together, we would find peace and a purpose, what life is about.



Beyond the Emerald Glass
Deep beyond the emerald glass lies a thought in which you breath
lost inside my twisted hopes ... and a face of make believe.
I'm consumed and always knowing ... the emptiness is you
All I have is this desire ...... Yet you haven't got a clue
In depths, void of heart or soul
I've found a place to hide.
Where the silence cannot find me but the laughter passes by.
How could it be I feel this way -- you hardly know me true
I used to be aloof and proud -- alone, but without you.






A VICE TO TEND
I purchased a feeling,
But now its much too high.
I find I thought of healing,
I think I found the Sky.
Masquerading in my Mirror...

Taught and forgot to know.
I watched while surfing fears,
Smiled yet, hurt too much to grow.
Side stepped .... and Off the road
(again) I know -
Whole or not: Its Down to go.

Brought forth the echoes.... Numb toes....
Gray rainbows, no mind and no soul.
I lost my goal.... Paid the tolls....
All it stole... and I'm on a roll.
If I don't bend
Against this trend, reach an end,
I'll never mend
With a vice to tend.

I must Live Love and Laugh again.








REFLECT-ABILITY
Quietly reflect into the waves
that are crashing on your sand.
Bringing with them an ever-changing power
that is beyond your own hand.
Absorb the mist; the taste; the smell;
the sounds of all you see.
Letting each approach
with a grasp of what's to come....
Then, quickly...
Set it free.
LESSONS
Souls of Simple Lessons
Enveloped in the smoke
Of their burning Delirium;

Confronting a shadow,
Implicating a thought;
Severed by their reasoning...
Then scattered throughout the ashes,
The Cinders of Sanity.
Creativity Illusive… Peace is just a vision.

After the passing they will return.
The cycle… the steps of wisdom
Our calling young & old.

Melinda Marinko
1994





September to February

Frail temper
sleeveless heart
Last September
I fell apart
Scars and stains
thoughtless friends
Just remains
of a toxic blend
Hopeful winter
an early spring
Over dinner,
I learned some things
Giddy for hours
vivid dreams
Finding power
And the means

Melinda Marinko
Feb. 2005


Isis Osiris
I found you are here
I was not sure if I was searching at all.
I looked into your eyes for so long, and.... Ohhh...
I should have known
I knew you once before or more
and it is you
I always find my way into your arms....
In your life.
When you hold me,
do you feel? Do you know what it is....
As I cannot seem to find the words to say?
Could it be you & I
yesterday Osiris or Isis...,
I am sure it was bliss.
Could you close your eyes and find your way back....
Into a moment, so far away
when we both saw days, passing into lifetimes.

Melinda lantz-theissen
1997

On Air

Implications everywhere
around me on the floor.

Breathe me in 'cause I'm on air
and dripping down your door.

Inspiration melts in me
and blends into my core.

With powers from the blessed be
bleeding into more.

Melinda Marinko


The Emerald Glass
Deep beyond the emerald glass
lies a thought in which you breath
lost inside my twisted hopes ...
and a face of make believe.
I'm consumed and always knowing ...
the emptiness is you
All I have is this desire ......
Yet you haven't got a clue
In depths, void of heart or soul
I've found a place to hide.
Where the silence cannot find me
but the laughter passes by.
How could it be I feel this way --
you hardly know me true
I used to be aloof and proud --
alone, but without you.
Melinda Lantz-Theissen Marinko 1991

JADED

To be honest with you I do not think anyone carries a more jaded outlook or complete absence of "giving a shit" about anything…, anymore, than I do.
I’ve found there is absolutely no one that a person could believe in or trust.
The entire 9,999,000,000,000 (or what ever the ungodly population of earth is now), are just soul-less beating hearts wrapped in flesh parading around this planet as human beings. Living always just in the moment. Practicing their lies and lines, even pissin’ on whoever is too close to them, spinning blindly ever inward. Dedicated only to being the caretaker of his or her own superficial desires, cravings and perceived needs.
Money, Sex, “ends”, status, pride, want, self-pity and separate thinking is all people seem to be made of in this world.
If this is not hell than what kind of crazy magical unimaginable place could heaven be?
Maybe the rapture already came and we all just don’t realize that we are the damned - the not chosen – and have been left to suffer hell on earth.

orig. Oct., 2006

"Down to the Last"

It dawned on me at dawn today...
here is near to far away.

Thought I'd find and

think I found ..
A mounted sign:

'Don't mind the sound'.

A longing for life and long may we live...
All that we gave, and what we all give.

Passed out in back... back in the past,

Up from the start

down to the last.

Melinda Marinko 2006

My Girl

My daughter, Alyssa and me January 8th, 2006.

Mind Of Mel: Kindred Spirits

Mind Of Mel: Kindred Spirits