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Karl L. Marinko 1961 - 2007

Dear Karl,

I cannot believe I will never talk to you or hear from you again. I just found out today. I sent you an email last night. I am so grateful for our last visit together. That was 2005. We made our peace. We were friends always from the beginning. You gave me so much and I know I expressed my humble gratitude the last I saw you but now I don't feel it was enough. I have and will always carry a part of you with me. Our Humor was the best part of us and only one of the great things about you, Karl you will sorely be missed by countless hearts.

My ex husband died and I didn't know it. I found out by searching for him on You Tube. I had been thinking about him so much lately. We were married from 8/15/99 to 8/22/00. (We spent Y2K together)
Here is the link to his Obit: http://www.legacy.com/MarinIJ/DeathNotices.asp?Page=Lifestory&PersonId=95484248

Then you were gone

I had a dream with you last night
and you told me your secrets so real.
Then we journeyed to the other side
riding on a brand new wheel.

Whispers caressed my ears
as your embrace engulfed my soul.
Moments lasted like years
as the sun fell into snow.

The sound of your own melody
filled the meadow where we lay.
With the feel of familiar memories
we ran naked across the blade.

Oceans of laughter crashed on our shore
as we played carelessly in the sand.
Silken sheets of rain did pour
we found shelter and you took my hand.

You said,

"I know right now we can not be
still we dream and find a way
until I'm finally free...
I'll meet you in these dreams to
play"

You touched me and I was shaking
with a feeling oh, so strong.
And I felt you still
as I was waking....
Reaching out
Then you were gone.
Reaching out then you were gone.

Lyrics and melody by,
Melinda Lantz-Marinko

Premonition of mine in 1990 (click here)

Yes. I drew this in the year 1990.

So many have much to say

and many wonder.

I can't find a way

to stop the thunder.

Lightening saw the night

as pain has seen my soul.

Am I wrong or right

to have my dreams and goals?

Some day the time will stop

to show us what is real

into a fruitless crop

to show us how we feel.

So wave "so long", my friend

as we drift so far apart.

So sorry this must end

so sorry is my heart.

My Dad

My Dad went in for surgery June 26th to have his esophagus removed because of the cancer. Well, his stomach had to be removed also because the cancer had spread farther than previously thought. They had to graft from his colon to create a stomach. It’s a very intense shock to the system this type of surgery. He is still in ICU. Some days he is getting better and other days there seems to be set backs.
On the 3rd day when one of the chest tubes was removed, air got in his chest cavity and started to collapse his lung so they inserted something they call a pigtail. After a week or so that wasn’t sufficient so yesterday they had to insert another tube through his back. Needless to say, he isn’t very comfortable and hasn’t been since the surgery. He also got an infection they hadn't been able to identify but, fortunately, the antibiotics are beginning to work and his white blood cell count is on the decline.
My Dad’s an active fit man so I believe this will help in his recovery. Still he’s frustrated being bed-bound. This compounded by having to be “NPO” meaning: he cannot eat or drink anything orally.
He has many people that care about him and I know that helps, prayers help too. I am there with him every day because there is nowhere else I’d rather be right now. I just wish there were more I could do for him.

CELL A Novel by Stephen King

My Dad has been having Chemo treatments and this means we spend hours every few weeks at the clinic for infusions and tests, etc. So I went to the library last week to find a book or two for us to read. I wanted to get page turners so I looked to see if there were any Stephen King books that I hadnt yet read. There it was: CELL, a novel. By the second page turn I was in it. This story drops one into an unimaginable scenario that takes hold and I actually found myself wishing I had a seat belt or a protective helmet to wear for the ride. While reading it I looked at people on their cell phones differently. I even asked my Dad when he reached for his cell to make a call, "are sure you want to use that?" This book will surely be movie someday and I hope Mr. King finds the best movie makers to do it justice. I suggest that everyone that thinks they've prepared for every possible terrorist attack, read this book. It'll make you think. The truth is that the possibility of this premise actually happening is nill yet, it will still make you think diffently.

Where's Mel?

I haven't posted anything for a while because I've been a little pre-occupied. MyDad was diagnosed with esophageal/gastric cancer in february. It is a signet ring cell type. its very agressive. He started his first round of Chemo 8 days ago. he is doing suprisingly well with that but they do say the more rounds the worse the side affects. his next round is in a couple of weeks. I just want this man to live for a long long time. I just started to get to know him a few years ago and well, he's pretty awesome. I'm staying with him here in San Pedro California and have been since he was diagnosed. All prayers are appreciated. I will keep you all posted. thanks for checkin in and looking out! Peace.

Silly Mel!

Walk or Fly?

I haven't had to use dial up for over two years. These past 5 - 6 weeks I have had to go without the majority of life's creature comforts... and I've been very patient but this dial up situation might be the thing that sends me over the edge and breaks me.

(You see: I gave up my apartment, sold and gave away everything in it. The plan didn't come together, things... "fell through" and timing became my worst enemy. So we wait. On the couch I wait. Somehow without realizing it I lost the power to do anything about it. Just wait. The last time I didn't have even a room or a closet of my own without at least owning a car was...ummm... well, never! ) Of course this is all temporary!!

I enjoy quite time. Privacy. Clothes on hangers.... and fast efficient excution of technological applications. What I used to accomplish online in about 10 - 15 minutes, takes over an hour now. Actually I just lose patients after that time and give up.

It's like needing to get to NY from LA but instead of flying the only mode of transportation available is walking. I wouldn't even make it to Barstow.

Feb 2007 Pic's of Mel

Aimester Productions

Check out this Website. (click the title of this post) It is Aimee Galicia Torres an up and coming Movie writer and director. I am hoping to work with her in the future!!

Life Made Simple

I would achieve epic success above any expectations if I could shed light on the answer to the turmoil , My life can rise above being marred by disappointment, perceptional and irrational fear of loneliness caused by and consumed in my own toxic thoughts:.
I only wish I had it in me to be more effective, proficient in the art of showing or sharing, educating one basic truth that holds the key.
It is this: Once grown and out of the nest… no matter how that nest had raised and nurtured us, our state of mind, peace and happiness or whatever we find in life is completely and ultimately up to us alone. We hold 98% of power over our own lives – no one else does. Not even God has that power over us. We must choose it or it will not be. It’s all a state of mind.

Unfortunately, we often hand over that control to others by giving them permission to treat us badly. This is done in many different ways ranging from apologizing to them for not being good enough to, being vicious or negatively provocative ourselves.

The most damaging surrender of power is when we fail to rise above disappointment or abuse continuing to live wounded and victimized regardless of how far in the past it is.

Staying true to one’s own self and well being, letting go, even letting God, consistently living purposeful and consciously, moving on is, courageous living that doesn’t usually come easily. However, it is a choice and a gift that not only shines light on your life but also warms those that truly love you.

We can’t control actions or events brought on by others but we can choose how we react to, perceive, or take away from, them.
Ironically simplistic in that it is, the most complicated, hard as hell lesson to actually live and apply to everyday life.


I stopped handing over control when I refuse to accept that I deserve to be treated in any degrading belittling way. I am not some bottom feeder. I am not cruel or a thief. You might believe that it is selfish to have preservation for myself. But without self worth how could be worthy? I would not expect anything different than I am willing to extend or return myself. But I don’t need attention so that I will accept cruelty or put my energy into a dishonest selfish person that will bring disappointment and pain rather than growth, companionship.

Although the rationale within me would not have it any other way, it is nonetheless difficult to accept that I cannot expect or demand anything of another. How they behave, or how they treat and relate to me is their choice - alone. I do have the power to expect of myself a level of behavior and compassion for other’s that at least conveys we are all worthy of the same.

Too often I feel the hardest thing in life I find is having the energy and strength to love myself enough to shine.