Love Stories

I watched two movies tonight. The Lake House and The Break Up. Cried... at some point in each one. I hate love stories. Well really the truth is I hate that they always move me so much and I hate that I love them. I think because I would rather live them than watch them because they always -correction- ALMOST always have a happy or perfect ending and well, life doesn't... at least so far.

Going Back to Cali'

It seems like getting ass back to So Cal is taking forever. First a gut wrenching stomach flu then a pneumonia like head and chest cold so severe I've actually quit smoking. (me! not smoking! me - who has smoked so long I couldnt imagine ever not smiking and really honestly can not remember life before cigarettes) I don't have any traveling money yet and was hoping to work a bit to make some before i leave but I have been ill for almost 3 weeks!

Worrying about my son is not helping either. I know he's an adult now. But just because he is 19 years old doesnt mean that he is ready and mature enough.

I feel that I have failed him. I haven't been a pillar of stability or a model of success for him. I failed to ensure that he live within guide lines and learn to take responsibility this year. I was powerless to stop him from throwing everything away incliding his goals and direction.

I would feel so much better if he was going to Cali too. Where - dare I say it? - where his father can be an influence and role model and help him through the transition from childhood and dependence to adulthood and independence.


Aaargghhhh