Yesterday I was planning my exit and how she's going to take it and what I need to do to make sure she has no burden, and today it's clear she already considers me a burden.
Really what is the fucking point ? What am I even doing existing? I need to clean up this room, make sure everything important is easy to find. Get a sharpie and write DNR all over my chest and threaten lawsuits.
Make sure she gets my last paycheck. My life in this apartment feels like pure hell, my life at work is pure hell, I have nothing in between. My depression, anxiety, grief, self loathing is at an all time high. I'm done. After the awful things Aly said this morning why even take the time to write anything or prepare anything. Just go now. Nobody is going to miss me. Aly is just going to continue saying I'm an awful piece of shit. I don't do enough. She's right. I am a piece of shit.
I love her and David so much, I was a bad mother an even worse grandmother. I don't mean to be. I just am.
Good riddens.
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