Christmas is Over

This is my transitional week. I need to make one of two things happen. I have made some very bad decisions this lifetime. I pray I make the right one this time. My daughter's future is depending on this decision. Either way her and I will be together again.

I'm On Air

Implications everywhere
with me on the floor.

Breathe me in 'cause I'm on air
and dripping down your door.

Inspiration melts in me
blends into my core.

With powers from the blessed be
bleeding into more.


Melinda Marinko

"You have those cat eyes like my Mother!"

I will never forget Grandma telling me that. It was February 2003. I was blessed to have been able to spend her 84th birthday with her that year. We all got her favorite balloons and flowers. All of her children sent something. Even Uncle Mike had stopped by. (None of us were expecting that.) Her living room soon filled up with fragrant beautiful flowers from all over and Grandma was smiles all day. I cannot remember what gifts she received but, I clearly remember her clasping her hands together under her chin and saying "this is my best birthday ever!"
I was blessed to get to know my grandma over the past 11 years during my visits to Fort Wayne Indiana. I would spend day after day with her for anywhere from 2 to 5 weeks. I will always cherish those times.

My Grandma told me about the beautiful love affair she had with my Grandpa. They fell in love while they were still in their teens. He being 2 years older caused my Great-Great Grandparents, who were raising Grandma at the time, to forbid her from seeing him. They wrote letters to eachother until she was of age. She saved those letters all these years. I was told that my two aunts, Sue and Linda read those letters to Grandma yesterday.
Grandma died last night. She had bone cancer and was in terrible terrible pain. Grandpa died of cancer 25 years ago. They are together and with her beauty-feet they are dancing in heaven now. I know this because I remember how Grandma's eyes would light up when she would tell me how sometimes she would dream they were both young again and he came and swept her up, swung her around and they danced for what seemed like forever to her.
I am truly blessed to be offspring of such a love. A deep never-ending love.

When I left Ft. Wayne in Early March 2003 Grandma said with tears in her eyes, "I'm never going to see you again, Mindy" She hugged me so tight. We both cried.

Rest in sweet beauty peace Grandma. You deserve it.

It's a Jammie morning. Happy Friday the 9th!

Kindred Spirits

Believing that the disconnected human race here on earth are actually a part of a higher, unseen level of existence and that the souls we bring to each life aren't coming completely alone, so to speak, is the only thing keeping me from becoming a hermit. Or giving up on mankind altogether.

I've got a Little Black Book with my Poems In...

Got a bag, got a toothbrush and a comb in.

These words were true for me until November 22, 2005.
I have no idea where my black book of poems... my bag... my toothbrush nor comb among many other things I once possessed are.
These things are of no value to any other person on the face of the earth - but me. Still somebody decided that I couldn't possess these things anymore. Refused to say where they might be.

BODY? "check!" MIND?"check!" SOUL? SOUL? ~ahem..Hello?!~ SOUL?!!!

It seems that very few "bodies" posses a heart/soul at the core of their existence. What could be driving the staggering masses of people that lack moral's, scruples, compassion... or even Code*?

What I have found in so very few... far between ... is appearantly a fading element in the human condition. Unfortunately these souls with integrity and substance... are so worn down. By the dis-heartening...<<--- now I understand the bonafide definition of this.

behavior and treatment of the majority of the population around them.

Like that SUV commercial I've seen on Television recently that depicts the old models are falling into dust particles as the new Model is rolled out, could it it be that it doesn't matter any more how much "character" one has because where you've gone, how reliable you stayed on the way, the services you've renendered all while being a stellar person of high standards, morals, Code, aren't in fashion anymore? It isn't what's "new" you know? It's so passe!

*where I came from this word was used to describe a relied on tried and most certainly True, set of standards - honor really, amongst camaraderie i.e.;friends/classmates/co-workers//team-mates/clicks/.... dare I say even... thieves?)

Autumn

I have a now rare opportunity to post so I am taking it.
Today as I rode the bus through town I remembered why it is that Autumn is my favorite season. It is so messy, like I am. Yet, it is a beautiful mess. All the colors on the pallet are represented.
The sky is ever changing and unpredictable.
In Oregon the autumn sky is like no other season. There are days of fierce storms interspersed with moments of blue and patchy white clouds. The rain is sideways at times and the rainbows span the sky. The creeks are full and the trees never more beautiful.
With all the changes in my life, some ugly some grand... The changes of autumn are always the beginning of the end and the promise of a new beginning that is always welcome.
I do not know when I will have access to a computer again but, I want all those who read this to know that my recent humbling is a promise of grander things for me and inspiration to once again be the creative soul I know myself to be. I wish to share this part of me with you soon. Very soon.

confidence

Little guy not so little

There are some benefits in having A younger man. The energy. The looks. The renewed sense of youth in ones self. But the immaturity... the ignorance... the impatience, the need to get a clue about some basic things are lacking. If only they's just shut up and take their clothes off...tee hee

Who were they?

I've Been in Salem

Now I am back. Salem is not what it used to be. The poverty... the tweakers.... have taken over. It is so sad.

Pale In May

Pale in May
Winter and lace
so cold yet I sweat
and the days of blood letting
they haunt and regret
yes i am pale in May...
what time has washed away.

Summer and wool
so hot I shiver
and the days of healing
yet to deliver
when forgetting
what time has washed away.

Melinda Marinko 9/28/05

The Emerald Glass

Deep beyond the emerald glass
lies a thought in which you breath
lost inside my twisted hopes ...
and a face of make believe.
I'm consumed and always knowing ...
the emptiness is you
All I have is this desire ......
Yet you haven't got a clue
In depths, void of heart or soul
I've found a place to hide.
Where the silence cannot find me
but the laughter passes by.
How could it be I feel this way --
you hardly know me true
I used to be aloof and proud --
alone, but without you.
Melinda Lantz-Theissen Marinko

The MInd Of Mel

September

It is harder for an intelligent mind to blissfully be.
Processing all that is.... becomes a heavy weight. Misunderstood is commonplace.
The masses are not cursed with the ability to decipher the layers of reality therefore, a genius is perceived as Insane.
Have you ever entertained the notion that maybe all those committed to institutions actually were the only ones that had a clue?

Maybe the "crazy guy" yelling into the air downtown is refusing to obey the
voices of the powers that be. (No, silly! I do not hear voices. I wish I did sometimes. Maybe they could give me a clue.) God only spoke to the world 2000 + years ago? If Noah's began 50 years ago building an Ark.... he'd either be committed or outcast. If even just a few of the contributors of the Bible were submitting their stories today.... they'd be publically shamed and discredited. Maybe the earthbound with power could saturate them with poison and blow them up....

...but I digress. It seems to me that genius often turns to alteration of mood. "Head change"
There is most definately validity in the saying "Ignorance is bliss".

Mosh

No more blood for oil, we got our own battles to fight on our own soilNo more psychological warfare, to trick us to thinking that we ain't loyalIf we don't serve our own country, we're patronizing a heroLook in his eyes its all lies

I Am In Here

I am in here
and welcome you too
Discard any fears
Climb into my view

I am out there becoming part
of your soul
It is a part that is bare And beautifully whole
I am above
the ground below your eyes
We hear no sounds
Yet realize

Copyright ©2003 Melinda S Marinko

One track - empties

Empty men who lie for lust
disrespectful they breed disgust,
attractive as swine at the trough
... all they want is to just get off
Like the talkers that refuse to hear
outside views only interfere
when all they want is in your mouth
how dare you make them go without

They try to corner you into an obligation
by creating a "few dollars" situation
I wouldn't even waste sad on them
Everything they say or do
is driven by the urge to screw
Irresponsible refusing to change
If you are pretty you only have your self to blame

I don't care if your balls turn blue,
or how much money you say you blew
I am more than just my skin ....
If you want to buy bring no less than one million

Oscar Wilde

Oscar Wilde
... Nature, whose sweet rains fall of just and unjust alike,will have clefts in the rocks where I may hide,and secret valleys in whose silenceI may weep undetected. She will hang the night with stars so that I maywalk abroad in the darkness without stumbling,and send the wind over myfootprints so that none may track me to my hurt:she will cleanse me ingreat waters, and with bitter herbs make me whole.-- Oscar Wilde, -- "De Profundis"

http://processjunkie.blogspot.com/

Alyssa ... soo beautiful. I miss you babes.

ho hum

my big boy

Faith Light

Love is the only, the all, the reason we're here.
Hate is a symptom, the actions, the outcome of fear.

Mine is not giving, not having or living, but the spoon.
Blind is the anger, the hater, the one forgetting so soon.

Light comes from within us, to guide us, a force from above.
Faith is our option, assistant, the drive empowering love.

Ours is not lonely, not shallow nor riddled with doubt.
We can together, find peace and a purpose, what life is about.

Copyright 2005

arrrrrgghhhh!

It seems that gainful employment isn't as easy to come by unless ones idea of gainful is barely making it.... well still in the hole really.

Would you hire me?

To Whom It May Concern:

Money

Money seems to be the root of all. All that is anymore. I cannot seem to get enough of it either.

Cryptic previous Post

I was rushed off the 'puter when I wrote the last post. The point I intended to make was that; if a person is seeking divorce due to "falling in love" with someone else and there are children from the marriage then, they should be required (by law) to take those children with them. Especially if they are under the age of 10.
Here's the logic behind my thinking: The other parent that is left devastated and alone to raise the kid and mourn the lost relationship can in no way be a parent. On many levels. I am not going to go into examples or details on why. If you think about it - you'll know what I mean.

Courts of Law

If Love is God and God is Love Life wouldn't be if not for Love and if something as personal and soulful as Marriage can only be broken through a Court of Law then said courts most certainly should - NO MUST Exercise their authority by taking responsibility for the impact Divorce is having on Society and well Frankly - the existence of Life - Love and Laughter.

Painting the Rainbow

Painting The Rainbow

Living is green - the color of growing.you're part of the scene - you're naturally showing.

Anger is red - the color of blood.gone out of your head? Now rise above.

Being is clear - no color at all.and things that you fear - will color your fall.

Craving is purple - the color that's rare.you jump over hurtles to find yourself there.

Decision is gray - the color between.you bend and you sway. on one thing you lean.

Loving is gold - worthy of wealth.dont let it be sold or lay on a shelf.

Your sins are all black - the colors combined.you cant take them back there is no rewind.

Life is a rainbow you paint everyday.the 'you' that you show the life you display.

Melinda S Marinko
Copyright 2002

LADY IN WAITING Lady in waiting In a cocoon of realization Across thin ice she’s skating To reach her destination What she’ll never know is how deep it goes And when springtime comes She turns and runs. Lady in waiting On the street corner of faith Her daydreams creating Mental toxic waste What she’ll never know is how deep it goes And when her bus comes She turns and runs. Lady in waiting At dusk for the sunrise Always anticipating Until it arrives What she’ll never know is how deep it goes And when the sun comes She turns and runs. Melinda Marinko 1989

It's 2005

In the age of total world communication and sci fiction is now science NON-fiction, I feel it's time to reach out to the masses so my family and friends don't have to listen to me anymore. Now it is your turn. When I return to continue this blog (can't right now - gotta go) I will spill out onto this keyboard snack sized observations. My bowl of mixed nuts, (if you will) washed down with the fermented mind altering liquid I call the "Mind of Mel Margarita".