I needed a page to spill on, a wall to pin up, what was on, in, or from my mind. Things like: Poetry; Pictures; Rants and Journal notes. Funny graphics and jokes. Essays and questions. For Political and Social posts Check out the Barking Roof Dogs
Friday, February 21, 2020
Divide and Conquer
Tuesday, June 19, 2018
The Breakfast Club Generation
They call us generation X but we're really the breakfast club generation. We are little bit of every genre just trying to get along because our families and parents were so disfunctional. Our parents had the "I deserve to be happy" attitude and everyone else be dammed. They were selfish and uncompromising. We were flailing latch key kids with broken homes. If our parents weren't raging alcoholics, they were single moms working 2 jobs and or dealing drugs. When we were growing up, adult men still thought it was ok to objectify teenage girls, and date them. Music was at it's peak. Diseases like herpes and AIDS we're brand new and scary. We had children young and gave them misspelled names. We smoked a lot of weed, did a lot of Coke, gave pagers and ultimately, cell phones a reason to exist, you're welcome. We were loadies, jocks, prom Queens and basket cases. Who learned to accept and love each other.
Wednesday, May 18, 2016
Has everybody lost their fucking mind?
To all of you idiots out there who are falling for this shit: WAKE UP! Can't you see that he clearly has no grip on reality?
Everything he says is immature and adolescent. He is uneducated, pathologically dishonest, self serving, and meant to stir controversy, create negativity, conflict and violence. He is a narcissistic hateful bully. A small minded buffoon. If you think he's just like you or says what you have been thinking then - you are all those things too, just smart enough not to say it to millions of people.
He has saturated the media - they haven't really talked about anybody else but him - so ya all are easily brain washed.
He chose Republican because we just had a Democrat it's time for republican- look at the pattern over the your lifetime - it's left then right, etc. And don't get me started on the concept of "left wing - right wing". It's called DIVIDE AND CONQUER dumb-asses. Wake up people.... wake the fuck up!!
This post is intentionally laced with insults to get the attention of those that support Trump. No actual disrespect intended - it's rhetorical name calling.
Monday, August 03, 2015
That 1st second thought
I see you.
It’s as if I had slit my wrists -- slowly bleeding out all this time while carrying such a deep , and , visceral regret for giving you that first: "second thought”.
Hooray For Marriage Equality!
Humans are notorious for lying and fiction writing and the chains of command on the Bible are questionable - all those people that contributed to it are long gone. And isn't odd to these people that God supposedly hasn't had anything worth writing down since then? The bottom line in is, it doesn't hurt anybody to let people love who they love, and make promises behind that love to each other legally. It's one contract in this country that is easily broken. That has done the most damage - to the children they make and then break up the family before they have finished raising them. That's what people should fight against. It's OK to hurt each other - cause instability to our most fragile and dependent humans - but don't marry someone with matching genitals? Come on, really? Wake up.
Hooray American Justices - for putting an end to a debate that should never have been one in the first place.
Wednesday, April 29, 2015
Words and such....
I feel it coming around my friend
The good times reaching another end
It’s cold heat and snake's skin
Around my heart like infinite sin
Here you are with your love-eating grin
I lose the hope when the games begin
I cannot see it now or then
Forgetting how good it should’ve been
I feel it before I hear the door
Then in the way you say my name, I can tell you’re back for more
I feel the way you play the game
It’s clear to see who’s keeping score
And who is feeding the flames
The catalyst we can’t ignore
We master placing blame
To the wall down on the floor
Rage is born and eats the pain
Changing who we were before
I feel the way you play the game
It resonates in your vibration
The bubble bursts our loves’ deflation
Mean season time for alienation
Graying my skies of inspiration
Stealing my smile without justification
Bombarding my world with condemnation
Injecting me with a blind frustration
Losing my will
To your game’s creation
© Melinda Marinko
I had a dream with you last night
And you told me your secrets so real.
Then we journeyed to the other side
Riding on a brand new wheel.
Whispers caressed my ears
As your embrace engulfed my soul.
Moments lasted like years
As the sun fell into snow.
The sound of your own melody
Filled the meadow where we lay.
With the feel of familiar memories
We ran naked across the blade.
Oceans of laughter crashed on our shore
As we played carelessly in the sand.
Silken sheets of rain did pour
We found shelter and you took my hand.
You said,
'I know right now we cannot be
Still we dream and find a way
Until I'm finally free...
I'll meet you in these dreams to play'
You touched me and I was shaking
With a feeling oh, so strong.
And I felt you still
As I was waking....
Reaching out
Then you were gone.
Reaching out then you were gone.
Lyrics & Melody by Melinda Lantz-Theissen Marinko
(c) 1991
NUMINOUS OUT THERE
When I was out there
Out where my spirits did roam
I was light as the air
I was closer to home
Out on the page
Where I've spilled out the most
You'll see all the rage
That was born to a ghost
Simplistic, sublime,
Cognizant the ether
In absence of time
I tried hard to reach her
Numinous I'm transcending
With the sun, the moon¦ you
Shallow water blending
Clarity into blue
Melinda Marinko
© 9 April 2009
By melminda
REFLECT-ABILITY
Quietly reflect upon the waves
That are crashing on your sand.
Bringing with them an ever-changing power
That is beyond your own hand.
Absorb the mist; the taste; the smell;
The sounds of all you see.
Letting each approach
With a grasp of what's to come....
Then quickly...
Set it free.
5-13-98
TO HAVE
To have climbed the steepest mountain
And conquered every stone
To finally learn to open
All the doors on your own.
To have reached every peak
And slid down all the rainbows
To find all that you seek
Passing the open windows.
To have filled your holes of emptiness
And finally begin living
To create your own happiness
And learn how to be giving.
To have done all these things
And reaped all the rewards
Is like spreading your wings
Releasing all you’ve stored.
By melminda
JOURNEY WITH ME
Journey with me into darkness
Maybe I could shed some light
Grab my horses harness
As we take, off into flight
Over the fields of pain
Under a sky of circumstance
With every drop of rain
We’ll take another chance
Journey with me to the rainbow
Leave behind the storm
Once you let the pain go
Then soon your soul is born
By melminda
PAINTING THE RAINBOW
Living is green - the color of growing.
You’re part of the scene - you're naturally showing.
Anger is red - the color of blood.
Gone out of your head? Now rise above.
Being is clear - no color at all.
And things that you fear - will color your fall.
Craving is purple - the color that's rare.
You jump over hurtles to find yourself there.
Decision is gray - the color between.
You bend and you sway. On one thing you lean.
Loving is gold - worthy of wealth.
Don’t let it be sold or laid on a shelf.
Your sins are all black - the colors combined.
You can’t take them back there is no rewind.
Life is a rainbow you paint every day.
The 'you' that you show the life you display.
Melinda Marinko © 2002
OUT HERE – Original*
I am out here,
And the River, it's raging.
It roars in my ears
Until my vision starts fading.
I think of my journey
Ahead and behind... the smell of it, burning,
Impressed in my mind.
I am out here
Just the spirits and me
Shedding the fears and yearn to be free.
You are a phase in my past & now present,
My nights without days,
And thoughts now unpleasant.
Now finding myself here... is as if that me - that's so strong,
Had just disappeared
Slipped away and now gone.
Dec 6 1996
*This is the original word for word first part of the 'Out Here' series
I AM OUT HERE (THE SERIES)
Part I
I am out here
Where the river is raging
So loud in my ears
Until my vision is fading
And you have been my nights
Without days
…and a spirit once free
That I thought I’d not fade
Where I thought I might be
So I think of my journeys
Ahead and behind
Was it you or just yearning?
I’m looking to find?
Dec. 1996
Part II
I am out here where the river once raged
Where I feel all your fears
And think of your cage
Could we free from the cries that are born of a ghost
Then take a long ride, maybe go to the coast?
The moon is out there, as we shadow its day
Where the comet appeared without much to say
If I save all my tears, will you save yours for me?
Or will this all disappear when you’re finally free?
1997
Part III
I am out here where the river once raged
Where the roof disappears
And still I am caged
I am out here and you’re so far away
We’ve blended to gray
And nothing to say
I am out here where the spirits are free
Where you’re leaving me be.
I am out there with no room left to move
So much to prove and a skip in my groove
I am out here where visions come clear
I know not to fear
Though I’ve slept through a year
Jan 1998
Part IV
I am out here
Out here once again
I can’t disappear
I know where I’ve been
I am out there
Where I sank in a mess
With nothing to spare
And much to confess
Now I’m leaving the river
The tears and the gray
With a quake and a shiver
I know I can’t stay.
Aug 2000
Part V
I am out there
Out there on my knees
Engaging in prayer
Creating the breeze
I think of your promises
How love is a lie
I wonder if angels
Can hear someone’s eyes?
I see thoughts, feeling every worthless word
I criticize this art
As clearly absurd
I am out here
Out here on a rage
Demonstrating fear
Center stage
Feb 2001
Part VI
I am in here
Outside of myself
I cover my ears to listen to hell
I am down there
Alone on the roof
Far from aloof
A burden with proof
March 2003
Part VII
I am out here
Out here what a mess
Did I tell you my fears?
Did I make them seem less?
You are not here not there
Because you don’t exist
Is the damn truth now clear?
Could this just be some new twist?
April 2004
Part VIII
I am out here
Out here where it’s real
There’s a feeling unclear
Yet so good to feel
Slipped from my grasp
The spirits had faded
From behind the mask
Where once I'd been jaded
October 2004
I AM OUT HERE (UNDATED)
I am out here with the spirits ...and free
And here I can see what I've forgotten in me.
I had a vision and blinded myself,
Indecision and survival in hell,
With such precision, I made me unwell
No religion just casting spells.
I AM IN HERE
I am in here
And welcome you too
Discard any fears
Climb into my view
I am out there
Becoming part
Of your soul
It is a part that is bare…
And beautifully whole.
I am above
The ground below your eyes
We hear no sounds
We realize
1998
I Am Out Here.....
I am out here, out here once again,
Yet so much has changed
And it's all from within.
I have been there, where the light has no home
Where I felt swallowed up, lost and alone.
I am out here and you're so far away
My colors are gray and I fall and I pray.
You are out there and your spirit is strong.
Out there, where it seems
You’re there all alone.
The angels are where
You need them to be,
To catch all your tears and bring them to me.
THE SEA OF SERENITY
Gone beyond to peaceful paths
A place so bright and inviting
The soul of a man and the loves he had
Those worlds are now dividing
On to a place where the angels roam
To the sea of serenity
Full of grace it feels like home
And the only place to be
By melminda
Winner! Starlight1's Mixed Bag Challenge – Sea of Serenity
I REMEMBER
I listen to the moments gone; I taste the view and smell the songs.
Swept away, in so deep, I remember what you let me keep.
The angels, the spirits, and the ghost could see, the light that came from you with me
When it happened, when you left, I remember darkness crushed my chest.
You come and go now like a glimpse, no longer rapt within suspense
We gave, we took, we cried, we shoved, but I remember we mostly Loved.
I remember your soul my friend.
BREAK IT OUT… FIX IT IN
Break it out… fix it in
Be the crowd or be the Djin
Don’t be too loud … but wear it thin,
While you live - within again.
Racing mind slows the soul
Crash your time… Pass the bowl
Don’t be too kind …. You’ll make a hole
Now don’t you give…give any mo’.
Melinda Marinko
11/2014
Who Were They?
I wonder what it was that started
As their faces filled with fear?
And why it was that they were parted
From those they held so dear?
I wonder why it happened this way
The lives twisted around?
And who it was that would have to pay
The people on the ground?
I wonder how they all turned out
Those souls lost in the crowds?
Or what it was that had filled them with doubt
The faces in the shrouds?
I wonder where they could be right now
They’ve hidden from the rain?
Or when it was, they made a vow
To never live in vain?
I wonder who led them all away
On to a safer place?
And where it was they found to pray
The ones who fell from grace?
I wonder if they plan to come back
To face what’s left behind?
And why it was that evil pack
Destroyed all it could find?
Writing and sketch done in October and December of 1990
Melinda Lantz-Theissen
I BREATHE
We walk and I hear
My spirit again.
You talk and I'm near
To where it begins.
I breathe and you feel
I am more than my skin.
We see and it's real
As it comes from within.
ON AIR
Implications everywhere
Around me on the floor.
Breathe me in 'cause I'm on air
And dripping down your door.
Inspiration melts in me
And blends into my core.
With powers from the blessed be
Bleeding into more.
PALE IN MAY
Winter and lace
So cold yet I sweat
And the days of blood letting
They haunt and regret
Yes, I am pale in May...
What time has washed away.
Summer and wool
So hot, I shiver
And the days of healing
Yet to deliver
When forgetting
What time has washed away
SEPTEMBER TO FEBRUARY
Frail temper sleeveless heart
Last September I fell apart
Scars and stains
thoughtless friends
just remains
of a toxic blend
Hopeful winter
an early spring
over dinner, I learned some things
Giddy for hour’s vivid dreams
finding power And the means.
FAITH LIGHT
Love is the only, the all, the reason we're here.
Hate is a symptom, the actions, the outcome of fear.
Mine is not giving, not having or living, but the spoon.
Blind is the anger, the hater, the one forgetting so soon.
Light comes from within us, to guide us, a force from above.
Faith is our option, assistant, and the drive empowering love.
Ours is not lonely, not shallow nor riddled with doubt.
Together, we would find peace and a purpose, what life is about.
2003
SOMETHING LESS
Later than an Early Bird
Fainter than a whispered word.
Easy as a mastered task
Leaking through a crafted mask.
Brighter in the depths of thought
Lighter than the sinking rock.
Dying like a beating heart
Loving just to fall apart.
2004
I FEEL THE WAY YOU PLAY THE GAME
I feel it coming around my friend
The good times reaching another end
It’s cold heat and snake's skin
Around my heart like infinite sin
Here you are with your love-eating grin
I lose the hope when the games begin
I cannot see it now or then
Forgetting how good it should’ve been
I feel it before I hear the door
Then in the way you say my name, I can tell you’re back for more
I feel the way you play the game
It’s clear to see who’s keeping score
And who is feeding the flames
The catalyst we can’t ignore
We master placing blame
To the wall down on the floor
Rage is born and eats the pain
Changing who we were before
I feel the way you play the game
It resonates in your vibration
The bubble bursts our loves’ deflation
Mean season time for alienation
Graying my skies of inspiration
Stealing my smile without justification
Bombarding my world with condemnation
Injecting me with a blind frustration
Losing my will
To your game’s creation
© Melinda Marinko
LADY IN WAITING
Lady in waiting
In a cocoon of realization
Across thin ice she’s skating
To reach her destination
What she’ll never know is how deep it goes
And when springtime comes
She turns and runs.
Lady in waiting
On the street corner of faith
Her daydreams creating
Mental toxic waste
What she’ll never know is how deep it goes
And when her bus comes
She turns and runs.
Lady in waiting
At dusk for the sunrise
Always anticipating
Until it arrives
What she’ll never know is how deep it goes
And when the sun comes
She turns and runs.
1989
DON'T MIND THE SOUND
It dawned on me at dawn today...
Here is near to far away.
I thought to find and think I found...
A mounted sign: 'Don't mind the sound'.
Longing for life and long may we live...
All that we gave, and what we all give.
Passed out in back, back in the past...
Up from the start and down to the last
2005
LESSONS
Souls of Simple Lessons
Enveloped in the smoke
Of their burning Delirium;
Confronting a shadow,
Implicating a thought;
Severed by their reasoning...
Then scattered throughout the ashes,
The Cinders of Sanity.
Creativity Illusive… Peace is just a vision.
After the passing, they will return.
The cycle… the steps of wisdom
Our calling young & old.
1994
BEYOND THE EMERALD GLASS
Deep beyond the emerald glass
Lies a thought in which you breathe
Lost inside my twisted hopes
And a face of make believe.
I'm consumed and always knowing
The emptiness is you.
All I have is this desire
While you haven't got a clue.
In the depths of my heart and soul
I've found a place to hide...
Where the silence cannot find me
But the laughter passes by.
How could it be I feel this way?
You hardly know me, true?
I used to be aloof and proud
Alone...
But without you.
1992
A VICE TO TEND
I purchased a feeling,
but now its much too high.
I find I thought of healing,
I think I found the Sky.
Masquerading in my Mirror...
Taught and forgot to know.
I watched while surfing fears,
Smiled yet, hurt too much to grow.
Side stepped.... and off the road
(again) I know -
Whole or not: Its Down to go.
Brought forth the echoes.... Numb toes....
Gray rainbows, no mind and no soul.
I lost my goal.... Paid the tolls....
All it stole... and I are on a roll.
If I don't bend
against this trend, reach an end,
I'll never mend
with a vice to tend.
I must Live Love and Laugh again.
1998
ONCE IN A NIGHT TIME
Once in a night time
deep within, we could see
But so many so oblivious
will never know
their fondest dream
their deepest fear
was our invention
Tiny hope – (The mask we pretend we've never seen )
was crafted by only us
in time that no other passes within
but us
Their petty lifetimes and achievements
will be the extent of their capacity
And on and on
We’ll paint their dawn
and take their spawn
and soon be gone
Melinda lantz-theissen Marinko
(Automatic writing/typing on typewriter that had just come out of a dumpster on January 14, 1995)
Sunday, February 08, 2015
Break it out
Be a crowd… be the Djin
Don’t be too loud … but wear it thin….
Now you live within - again.
Racing mind slows the soul
Crash your time… Pass the bowl
Don’t be too kind …. You’ll make a hole
Just don’t give…give any mo'.
11/14/2014
Tuesday, August 26, 2014
Being Mindy.... Since the 1970's
I went by 'Mindy' throughout my entire childhood. My family and long-time friends still call me Mindy. I started feeling big enough - worthy enough-really, of my given name; Melinda when I was around 25 years old and I stopped introducing myself as Mindy. But until then, Every person I ever met from around 4th grade on, when they heard my name for the first time, they would ask: "Where's Mork?"
Not, "Hello" or "Nice to meet you" or..... "Mindy? I like that name".
ALWAYS "Where's Mork?"It didn't bother me (it did get old...like a broken record, boring -predictable, and unfortunately, I rarely had a good comeback), it wasn't why I transitioned to Melinda and "Mel". I did that because I grew out of Mindy (which BTW, started as "Mini" when I was a baby.) The impact of being asked "Where's Mork?" all the time was that it secretly made me feel connected to Robin Williams - whom I loved since I saw him on Happy Days. ( He was in a couple episodes before Mork & Mindy). I've seen every movie he's done - every stand up show (not live), even watched every episode of "The Crazy Ones".
I have never been emotional about a celebrities death. I didn't know them personally. I didn't know Robin Williams personally - but I feel a loss, as if I had. I've even shed some tears. My heart feels broken.
Saturday, March 29, 2014
Sunday, August 25, 2013
Saturday, April 06, 2013
Sweet Child of Mine
Reminds me of childhood memories
Where everything
Was as fresh as the bright blue sky
Now and then when I see his face
It takes me away to that
special place
And if I stay too long
I'd
Sweet child o' mine
And if they start of rain
I'd hate to look into those eyes
And see an ounce of pain
His heart reminds me
of a warm safe place
Where as a child I'd hide
And pray for the thunder
And the rain
To quietly pass me by
Sweet child o' mine
Sweet love of mine
Where do we go
Where do we go now
Where do we go
Sweet child o' mine
Saturday, February 23, 2013
Wednesday, January 30, 2013
The Dalai Lama's 18 Rules For Living
1. Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
2. When you lose, don't lose the lesson.
3. Follow the three Rs: 1. Respect for self 2. Respect for others 3. Responsibility for all your actions.
4. Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.
5. Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.
6. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
7. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
8. Spend some time alone every day.
9. Open your arms to change, but don't let go of your values.
10. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
11. Live a good, honourable life. Then when you get older and think back, you'll be able to enjoy it a second time.
12. A loving atmosphere in your home is the foundation for your life.
13. In disagreements with loved ones, deal only with the current situation. Don't bring up the past.
14. Share your knowledge. It's a way to achieve immortality.
15. Be gentle with the earth.
16. Once a year, go someplace you've never been before.
17. Remember that the best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other.
18. Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.
Thursday, January 24, 2013
Stranger things have happened
and Spirit, of course. (Thanks Patches)
Monday, July 16, 2012
Wednesday, June 13, 2012
Friday, September 23, 2011
One third of a year, an entire season and then some... May to September
With a sunset view like this everyday... How could today be anything but blessed and how could tonight be anything but unpredictable? And how could tomorrow be anything but welcome?
Friday, September 09, 2011
BloodLetting
blood·let·ting (bldltng)
n.
1. Bloodshed.
2. The removal of blood, usually by opening a vein.
Monday, April 18, 2011
Saturday, March 26, 2011
SOUNDS OF INSANITY CENTRAL
This is to inform all the big energy, tiny-minded, simple souls with their manipulating social interaction, broken contracts and failing integrity that:
Whether you reside in spun webs with your stolen treats and consumed loyalty, or busy burning bridges over wide rivers of crocodile tears, our contention is that you are NOT conducive to growth or peace.
As we are contributing, creating, living and loving and trying to enjoy a serene life out here in the big picture, your contributions are mere pollution, mucking up the view. Your disorganized noise creates chaos that psychopath’s are conceived in. Please, just shut the fuck up!
(This is a courtesy notice of an impending cleanup.)
Sincerely,
Master of None
Wednesday, January 05, 2011
Daily Melee
Saturday, November 13, 2010
Relationships are like....
Friday, July 30, 2010
Hemet PD and SWAT On my block last week
Some idiot was shooting at my neighbors with a shotgun last week and this is the team that swooped in... and did NOT catch the guy.
Sunday, May 30, 2010
Getting Married (Joke)
St. Peter finally shows up and they ask him.
St. Peter says, "I don't know, this is the first time anyone has ever asked. Let me go find out," and he leaves.
The couple sits for a couple of months and begin to wonder if they really should get married in Heaven, what with the eternal aspect of it all. "What if it doesn't work out?" they wonder, "Are we stuck together forever?"
St. Peter returns after yet another month, looking somewhat bedraggled. "Yes," he informs the couple, "You can get married in Heaven."
"Great," says the couple, "but what if things don't work out?
Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?"
St. Peter, red-faced, slams his clipboard onto the ground!
"What's wrong?" exclaims the frightened couple.
"Come on!" St. Peter exclaims, "It took me three months to find a priest up here!
Do you have any idea how long it's going to take for me to find a lawyer!?"
Saturday, May 29, 2010
If I were a cat
If I were born a cat then I would Saunter through this world with confidence and charisma...so beautiful and regal. Have the ability to survive in the wild or be completely domesticated and cared for.
I would give affection to, entertain and protect my loved ones. You would know my love is genuine because I would never fake it or spread it around willy-nilly.
I would, of course, be jealous of birds and fiercely protect my young.I would purr people to sleep, nap in the day and stay up most nights.
Wait a minute....I think I am a cat!
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Saturday, April 24, 2010
I Remember
Swept away, in so deep, I remember what you let me keep.
The angels, the spirits, and the ghost could see, the light that came from you with me
When it happened, when you left, I remember darkness crushed my chest.
You come and go now like a glimpse, no longer rapt within suspense
We gave, we took, we cried, we shoved, and I remember we mostly Loved.
I know we're blessed I know you care, miles apart and still aware
What we are will never end, as I remember your soul my friend.
©2010 Melinda Marinko
Thursday, January 14, 2010
2010
(yes, Mel has left the kitchen)
Monday, December 14, 2009
Sunday, October 04, 2009
Sunday, July 12, 2009
Undefined
Playful and undefined
I rehearse the words you would sing
Learning each and every line
Soaring birds above grassland green
A beauty so sublime
Your whispered words and thoughts between
Stay gentle on my mind.
(c) Melinda Marinko
Sunday, July 05, 2009
Tuesday, June 09, 2009
September 21, 1941 - June 8, 2009
Funeral date and time will be posted later this week.
My Dad was loved by so many Thank you all
FReeper LantzALot battling last stages of Cancer - NEEDS OUR SUPPORT/PRAYERS/LOVE
all over the place | 19 May 2009 | Dolly
Posted on Tuesday, May 19, 2009 5:19:00 PM by DollyCali
Friday, June 05, 2009
Stress Management
Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.
Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.
Drive carefully. It's not only cars that can be recalled by their Maker.
If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
Never buy a car you can't push.
Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time, because then you won't have a leg to stand on.
Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
Since it's the early worm that gets eaten by the bird, sleep late.
The second mouse gets the cheese.
When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
Birthdays are good for you. The more you have, the longer you live.
You may be only one person in the world, but you may also be the world to one person.
Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once
We could learn a lot from crayons. Some are sharp, some are pretty and some are dull, Some have weird names , and all are different colors, but they all have to live in the same box.
“A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Papa
So... I balance his care and school.... no time for much else. Finals week is the first week of June, I won't be taking a class this summer, I'll wait until Fall.
Pray for Papa, pray for me. Out of tragedy is blessing. I count a million blessings that he and I have gotten to know each other, that my Dad loves me. The past is irrelevant, life is now and I'm living in the moment, and grateful for each that comes and goes.
Wednesday, April 08, 2009
Numinous and Out There
When I was ‘out there’
Out where my spirits did roam
I was light as the air
I was closer to home
Out on the page
Where I’ve spilled out the most
You’ll see all the rage
That was born to a ghost
Simplistic, sublime,
Cognizant the ether
In absence of time
I tried hard to reach her
Numinous I'm transcending
With the sun, the moon… you
Shallow water blending
Clarity into blue
Melinda Marinko
© 9 April 2009
Gentle On My Mind
Bathed in misty melody Lyrics yet defined Passion like a symphony Gentle on the mind. On the wings of pigs there's knowing honest love is blind Deep inside the truth keeps growing Gentle on our minds. Chasing the sun away from you Nothing left behind Shining like you want me to Gentle on your mind. Immersed in shallow yearning escaping daily grind The Smoke of peace-pipes burning Gentle on my mind. |
Sunday, April 05, 2009
It's the end of a long LOOOOng Winter
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Essay 5 “The Effects of Divorce”
The bickering over child support by parents too financially stressed due to supporting a house hold alone, will consume time and energy that could have been spent actually parenting the kids. It is so unpleasant and uncomfortable to overhear and witness for the little ones. They really don’t understand why it feels like it does. Unfortunately this causes kids to find unhealthy ways to distract themselves from the unpleasantness.
When a single parent is devastated by the divorce, that parent's emotional needs become paramount. Their pit of emptiness casts a ominous shadow over the needs of their children and likely to remain well into that child’s adulthood. How is a child going to mature emotionally into an adult when they have had to cater to the emotions of the one that is supposed to be there nurturing, teaching, guiding them? Therapy? Too late. If anyone thinks a pill or some kind of exercise in imaginary time travel on a quest to one’s own “inner child” could succeed in reprogramming a human condition, then pop away, and don't miss your flight. Good luck.
Here's the thing, vows are made between two people from the heart, in church, under whatever God it is those two people will eventually teach their children to believe in, a government contract - the Marriage License - is signed, stamped and filed in the hall of records, rings are worn by each, names are changed, is this not thee most sworn-to contract and promise that anyone enters into? On EARTH?
Children learn from their parents that for any reason under the sun it can and will be broken, then where will they ever learn to completely trust themselves, their religion, or another human being? I don’t have an answer because there isn’t one. They learn that no one on Earth can ever really be completely trusted to honestly love another, remain loyal, keep a promise, a vow, honor a contract or honor their deity.
I hope that the majority of the human race is ignorant to what I believe I know about the effects of divorce because when asked to examine it, I find it a travesty to one and all in our society. I believe it has surpassed money in the “Root of all Evil” department. Because it affects the behavior and priorities of those that grow up in divorce and look at our world today. I think we all know something about the effects of divorce.
Monday, February 09, 2009
Who is Jack Shit?
The lineage is finally revealed. Many people are at a loss for a response when someone says "You don't know Jack Shit." Now you can intellectually handle the situation.
Jack is the son of Awe Shit and O. Shit. Awe Shit, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Shit, the owner of Needeep N. Shit Inc. They had one son, Jack. In turn Jack Shit married Noe Shit, the deeply religious couple produced 6 children: Holie Shit, Fulla Shit, Giva Shit, Bull Shit, and the twins: Deap Shit and Dip Shit. Against her parents' objections, Deap Shit married Dumb Shit, a high school drop out.
However, after being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Shit divorced. Noe Shit later remarried Ted Sherlock and, because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name.
She was then known as Noe Shit-Sherlock. Meanwhile, Dip Shit married Loda Shit and they produced a son of nervous disposition, Chicken Shit. Two other of the 6 children, Fulla Shit and Giva Shit, Were inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony.
The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the Shit-Happens wedding. The Shit-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd, and Hoarse. Bull Shit, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently returned from Italy with his new Italian bride, Pisa Shit.
So now when someone says, "you don't know Jack Shit," you can correct them
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
ESSAY 3 “Procrastination”
Prioritizing is first and foremost, I learned this in my years as an administrative assistant. There are always multiple duties in life to accomplish on a daily basis. It helps to make lists and high light what demands immediate attention and has time sensitivity. Sometimes having more than one list is an advantageous kind of mind trick to play on oneself. Completing a short list is easier than a long list, the tendency to put off getting started: greatly diminished.
Next, divide and conquer. A big task can look too big to tackle at times, intimidating and overwhelming. Large projects consist of smaller tasks, doable portions I can complete in a short and reasonable time. For example, when I need to clean the entire house, the very thought of it could be overwhelming. I break it down into smaller steps that I can complete in 15 to 30 minutes, such as, cleaning a kitchen cabinet.
The most popular answer I have found is having a reward system. One is much more likely to complete that boring task if there is a reward waiting. If I promise to give myself a reward that is enticing enough to not want to put off the task for another time I will be less likely to procrastinate. Nevertheless, there is no reward, not even a small part of it, if I have not fulfilled what I have set out to accomplish. I am smoker so one way to motivate is to deny myself a cigarette until after I finish a step or two in a larger project. I recently rewarded myself with the latest Foo Fighter’s CD for making good on two year old promise to my father to clean and organize his basement and garage.
This brings me to tips like, using music; I have playlists of upbeat,’ feel good’ music that serves as great motivation. Another thing to do is get others involved, tell my loved one’s when my deadlines are, what is on my list. Public embarrassment is right up there with my fear of spiders and maggots.
My family members suggest I overcome procrastinating by, “Just doing it!” (As if, I hadn’t thought of that one on my own!) However, I gave this notion deeper thought and concluded that I needed to actively retrain my behaviors and myself so that I will just do it! In addition, I needed to understand why I put things off and performance anxiety is sometimes at the root. I consciously changed my inner dialogue to one that says, “Be courageous; stop avoiding” One act of courage can eliminate fear. Instead of constantly telling myself I better perform well, I remind myself that "just doing it" is more important. I find that I rarely fail to impress myself with my ability once I get to it, anyway. I also realize that I am too significant to live with anxiety about the things I have to do; I remind myself that people who love themselves don’t hurt themselves that way.
Sometimes, not always, procrastination is merely a symptom of fatigue. I’ve learned that it is very important to recharge daily. Get enough sleep and rest each day so I have the necessary energy I need to accomplish my tasks. Also, drink plenty of water and choose natural whole foods whenever possible because I have read and believe that the brain functions much more efficiently when fed properly.
My favorite suggestion came from my Father, “when you wake up in the morning, eat a frog. Anything else you have to do will seem like a cake walk.”
By putting into action what I have learned I will overcome and conquer the procrastinator in me. I must never be lazy when doing so and live consciously and proactively.
Sources
ineedmotivation.COM. Ways to Overcome & Cure Procrastination.
Koretsky, Jennifer. The Top 10 Ways to Overcome Procrastination. Sept. 2004. 2008
Robbins, Anthony. 16 Ways To Overcome Procrastination.
Tuesday, December 09, 2008
His sense of humor may not be appreciated or understood by most but I wouldn’t trade this aspect of his character for anything in the world.
I value it more than I would if he brought me breakfast in bed. Or….
If he didn’t turn into an asshole an hour or so once a month. Or….
If he bought me a brand new BMW.
I’m going to start writing down some things that come out of his mouth because I don’t want to forget. This is just a couple from last night.
He says, “I’m sorry to have to do this in bathroom off the kitchen baby, but I can’t hold it”.
“I know. Do what you got to do.”
Several Category 3 (and higher) explosions later I ask, “Do you need some baby wipes in there, Hun?”
The Initial inaudible response from the bathroom was, “Nah, just a Sham Wow”.
“What? Sorry I didn’t hear you I’ve been creating background noise out here, [shutting off fan] there, say again?”
Then I hear loud and clear, “SHAMWOW!”
This is the silly crazy quick and unexpected humor I need. Just one of many instances he has made me laugh into tears. I am still laughing. I nearly wet myself.
If only I had a recording, because it may not be funny in text, or you haven’t seen the commercial for the ‘Sham Wow’, a “you had to be there”, sort of thing. Nevertheless, so hilarious his keeper status shot straight through the roof.
During a love scene in the movie The Air I Breath* he says,
“Oh she’s going to blow his balls off so hard he’s going to have use a prosthetic to do her in the ass”
*(excellent movie, by the way, I watched it last night but Todd unfortunately caught only bits and pieces of it because he was busy)
Maybe I can live with his mindless late night TV watching after all. Because when I quit bitching about it, I find that what would annoy probably everybody else in the world, is extremely entertaining to me, and as I am always saying, laughter is good for the soul.
Thursday, October 23, 2008
My Opus (My Eng 101 teacher called it that)
My life doesn’t have to stand for the many disappointments I have faced. If I could shed light on the world on how peace, joy, laughter and smiles are attained through choices, I’d achieve a success far beyond my previous hopes. I would have to find it within me to be more effective, proficient in the art of verbally communicating so I could share this basic truth with others. I must first walk it before I can talk it. The past is done and cannot be altered so letting go is paramount. Constructive venting of negative thoughts and energy is vital to healing and growth. So I first choose to do just that.
I have to get things off my chest and onto paper. I need to unload, so to speak. This part of me will never change, though it has transcended, expanded and contracted. It is alive as it breathes through me as if I am an implement, a smoke delivery device. It draws in deep and remains there in the very cavity my lonely heart dwells in until it becomes completely toxic, requiring to be expelled from within as it spills out with a short-lived sigh of relief. (Or, it might be gas caused from all the: “Me I could’ve Been-Salad” I’ve been cramming down my neck!)
I realize that thinking about the past is silly. That yesterday is irrelevant. I should totally be feeling this but sometimes, I’m not. I’m not always convinced. Is the past gone? It isn’t easy to say to myself, “Hey, live and learn!” “Grow from here!” Life is now and the moments yet to come that I am destined, (or am I doomed?), to pass in. I will greet each day with a positive attitude and pro-activity coursing through my veins. I will be there with fricking bells on, right?
The last 14,275 days of bad decisions, reactions, no-actions, forgotten ideas, distracted plans, wasteful ways, self destruction and, lack of a solid true love/relationship has brought me to where I am today. Does any of it add up to a happy yesterday story? I made it through 469 full moons, 38 Christmas’, and 20 Mother’s Days. I’ve smoked damn near 20,000 cigarettes and sat on a toilet at least 40,000 times and could have chosen to consume all 20,556,698 minutes with regret. Wednesday's child is full of woe. Friday’s child is in perpetual rest and restlessness. Sunday’s child will choose to shine.
I could be enveloped in the smoke of my own burning delirium, scattered with the ashes and the cinders of sanity, confronting shadows and only implicating thoughts. My creativity would be illusive and peace nary a vision. I would have forgotten my purpose, my passion, my smile; and that happiness is a state of mind. I choose to take on instead of take off, go within – not without, and let go of that which I have no control over.
I believe that once grown and out of the nest, no matter how that nest had raised and nurtured us, our state of mind, peace and happiness or whatever we find in life is completely and ultimately up to us alone. We hold 98% of power over our own lives – no one else does. Not even God has that power over us. We must choose it or it will not be. The most damaging surrender of power is when we fail to rise above disappointment or abuse continuing to live wounded and victimized regardless of how far in the past it is.
Staying true to one’s own self and well being and letting go. Consistently living purposeful and consciously, is courageous living that doesn’t usually come easily. However, it is a choice and a gift that shines light on life. One can’t control actions or events brought on by others but we can choose how we react to, perceive, or learn from them. It is ironic in that it is so simplistic yet, the most complicated, hard as hell, lesson to actually learn, live and apply to everyday life.
Although the rationale within me would not have it any other way, it is difficult to accept that I cannot expect or demand anything of another. How they behave, or how they treat and relate to me is their choice - alone. I do have the power to choose to conduct myself at a level of behavior with compassion for others as well as myself. I have the power to smile inside and out by changing my perception of any given situation. I can choose where I will be and when. How I get there and whose company I keep. What I want, do and have are choices I make, as well. Therefore, I also choose success and happiness over pain and regret.
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Bleeding Love ... NO SHIT!!!!!!!
I didn't need the pain
Once or twice was enough
And it was all in vain
Time starts to pass
Before you know it you're frozen
But something happened
For the very first time with you
My heart melts into the ground
Found something true
And it's draining all of me
Oh they find it hard to believe
I'll be wearing these scars
For everyone to see
leona lewis
Sunday, September 28, 2008
Your Face... oh Your Face!!!!
Have you heard that? I heard that!!
I promise I won't love you.
Sunday, September 14, 2008
This Could Be Bad
and waking the beast
Making it hungry
... then letting it feast
Your mouth as it lingered
Your body, your skin
I was lost in the tingling
You were drinking me in
Follow me after
You've fallen some more
We'll wallow in laughter
We'll throw out the score
Circles of spoken
and Unspoken notions
I feel like I'm floating
Adrift in your ocean
Thursday, September 04, 2008
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Mel’s Life - An Update
Out of a near tragedy (a curse, if you will), came blessings. My father’s cancer is thankfully, miraculously in remission. What once was bleak and ominous is bright and promising. Currently I am free to get back to my life.
Papa is fully self-sufficient and interestingly has become a “playa”. He’s gone on more dates in the past couple months than I have in the past 6 years, or more, with many different women. But I digress.
Now, having spent every day after Feb. 25th, ‘07 with Dad, I consequently had no income last year. I even missed out on the stimulus checks. Nevertheless, financial aid did Not hesitate to approve me. See? Bleak… turned promising. I have registered for classes beginning September 2nd and those fees have been covered already. I am working towards an ultimate goal while meeting short term ones in the process. I’ve been an Admin assistant for years but found myself spirally down into $10.00/hr hell. With a degree, and a specialty, that wage turns to salary, doubles and triples….. and so on. Legal secretaries make an excellent salary and have the most interesting office assistant job there is. Paralegals make even more. So I am taking the CAOT core with the legal Sec option for certification, on my way up to bachelors, then paralegal. Law school on the other hand is, daunting and unrealistic. I’m going to be 40 in about a minute (9/09) and who can afford a university in my world? No one, that’s who.
Karl’s death and my missing the last 2 years of his life caused a shift in my perspective. Learning of his deep depression and discontent hit me hard. When I was last in touch with him in ’05 he seemed very happy and content. I was also told by a friend of his that he was over the moon happy and in love, the Pulsators were touring, things were good for Karl then. (I, on the other hand, was not good at that time. If you’ve read my archives, you already know this.) I missed the chance to talk to Karl, be his friend. Remind him that in spite of his mistakes, he is valuable, with a good heart and soul… to try to remember to honor that. Even if no one else can. This has made me realize that life is fleeting and for the most part, is lonely… but it shouldn’t be. Time is the omnipresent hindrance, the swift and surreal adversary. Time is what we need to respectfully manage and use wisely to ultimately be happy and successful: these two things are intertwined, of course. That any minute…. Second everything can and does change. I have no idea how long I will live. I could be in my 80’s or so or, I could trip on a clothes hamper, bump my head and die tomorrow. I want to at least be able to pay for my own funeral before that happens. I want my soul to be at peace and content when that happens.
My life is now… and the highway is moving faster everyday. Cruise control is not an option today. Just like the incubus song says:
“when I drive myself, my light is found”
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
Friday, April 18, 2008
Being Marinko
"where was Mel the last couple year of Karls life?"Simply, I was getting my shit together. At least within myself.
The very last conversation Karl and I had was not supposed to be the last one and that was my fault. I procrastinated for a season or so before I got the nerve to contact him.
This was a lesson in why not to procrastinate. We never know when it will be the last anything. The last day we have, last chance to reach out, last sunrise, last full moon, last kiss, last joke, last hug, last apology or opportunity to forgive.
Karl and I already forgave each other for our failed attempt at a healthy marriage that was for a time, a blight on our friendship. In May of '05 he gave me his blessing to keep the Marinko name and that meant a lot to me. It's complicated to explain why this is but, it did bring a lot of peace to me.
Then November of '05 happened. Those of you that know me or have been reading this blog since way back may remember the theft of everything personal that I owned... from my CDs and shampoo to my irreplaceable Poetry binder. as well as other nefarious activities of the soul-less vaccuums that populate Oregons Capitol city.
During and following this F*cked up time, living the way I was, I ended up hurting a friend of Karl's. Well, bottom line: I caused him to lose a lot - monetarily.
(Stephan if you happen on this post use the links on the side bar to contact me. I'd like the opportunity make amends)
Karl was justifiably pissed off at me. He also didn't believe me when I told him all the crap that happened. Truth is; it was not right for me to let that affect my own code of conduct or moral obligations as a friend. So Karl was right when he said,This is bullshit Mel!!
But I digress.
Now, what had ended my procrastination and fueled my effort to contact Karl in late September '07 was an internet search. Not mine. Somebody out there... In Northern California. I don't know who it was.
Let me explain. I have a 'sitemeter' on this page. It gives me statistics on visits here. It tells me the referring link and if it is an internet search, it shows me the exact terms. I honestly hadn't looked at my sitemeter since I moved back here to So Cal. Dec. '06. I really cannot remember what prompted me to look that day.
The search terms were this:
"Melinda Marinko" Death
This was done September 28, 2007. I discovered it that weekend around the 30th. I thought it was Karl searching for me, wondering if maybe I was dead. When I first saw it I had this real morbid... numb, kinda freaky feeling. My son was here that weekend and I showed it to him. I don't think he really thought much of it. He went with my theory that it was Karl looking for me. When I asked him if he would be a little freaked out if he saw his name there his response was,
"I don't know... are you done now, can I use the computer?"
Karl Marinko had a huge impact on my life. I was fortunate to tell him a little bit of this truth but, not nearly to the extent he needed to hear. Not when he needed to hear it. Drugs and all the ugly layers of addiction and it's toll on the addict denied Karl and I our purpose and what we were meant to do and be. The lessons we failed. The lessons we ignored. The lessons I now must pay attention to. Because he reminded me. Because his living his life and his death were important on levels that go deeper and are much bigger than what we comprehend on a daily basis.
We all feel that if we did something different in our relationships with Karl, he might still be here today. Or maybe wouldn't have passed a troubled soul; the reality we know deep down is that there wasn't anything we could do.
Here's to you MacDaddy Marinko - you goat-head and rest in peace!